When Slowing Down Becomes Clarity
A reflection on leadership, slowing down, and how honest self-inventory creates clarity, confidence, and more intentional choices.
Slowing Down Is Not a Step Backward
There’s a belief many of us carry, especially in leadership, that slowing down means falling behind.
That if we pause long enough to reflect, we’re losing momentum. That clarity comes from movement, not stillness. That progress requires urgency.
My conversation with Maggie Coulter challenged that belief in a quiet but lasting way.
What came through clearly was this. Slowing down isn’t a step backward. It’s often the moment clarity finally shows up.
Not clarity that demands a dramatic change or a sweeping reinvention. But the kind that helps you see what’s already working, what you’ve learned, and where your attention might be needed next.
Taking an Honest Inventory as a Leader
One of the most practical ideas we talked about was the importance of honest inventory.
Not inventory as self-criticism.
Not inventory as a list of everything you should fix.
But inventory as awareness.
Seeing What You’re Doing Right
Leadership reflection often skips this part. We rush past what’s working and focus only on what feels lacking.
But celebrating what you’ve learned and what you’ve already overcome matters. Those experiences shape how you lead today, whether you acknowledge them or not.
Naming What Needs Attention Without Judgment
Maggie’s work is rooted in the belief that leaders are not broken. Nothing is inherently wrong with them.
From that place, identifying areas for growth doesn’t feel like failure. It feels like intention.
When reflection is grounded in respect for who you already are, improvement becomes thoughtful instead of reactive.
Every Moment Is the Moment
At one point in the conversation, Maggie said something that impacted me.
“Every moment is the moment.”
She shared how her cancer journey forced her to live with the belief that her timeline might be limited. That awareness shaped the choices she made and the changes she was willing to pursue. She didn’t wait for certainty. She made decisions based on how she wanted to live the time she believed she had left.
That perspective stayed with me.
It made me wonder what might shift if I lived with that same awareness. Not from fear, but from intention.
What if I didn’t assume tomorrow was guaranteed?
What if I treated today as something worth showing up for fully?
Would I be more deliberate about how I spend my energy?
Could I be more honest about what’s no longer aligned?
How can I be more active in creating a life I actually want to live instead of floating through while it quietly creates itself?
Leading Without Believing You’re Broken
What I find especially powerful about Maggie’s work is how she creates leaders who don’t believe something is wrong with them.
She holds space for people to slow down, reflect, and reconnect with their own wisdom. Not to fix themselves. Not to become someone else. But to trust what they already carry.
That kind of leadership development is grounding. It builds confidence without forcing certainty. It replaces urgency with clarity.
And it reminds us that leadership doesn’t always require more speed or more answers.
Sometimes it asks for a pause. And a breath.
And an honest look at where you are right now.
Because slowing down doesn’t mean you’re stuck.
It might mean you’re finally paying attention.
A Question to Sit With
Where might slowing down help you see more clearly right now?
Giving Purpose a Real Place in Our Lives (Not Just Our Brands)
Purpose is easy to talk about and harder to live. In this reflection, I share what stayed with me after a Coffey Talk conversation that reminded me why purpose needs a real place in our lives, not just our brands.
We Talk About Purpose More Than We Live It
We talk a lot about purpose.
It shows up in decks and campaigns.
Purpose as a tagline.
Purpose as a color palette.
Purpose as something aspirational.
Something we’ll get to one day when the timing is better or the calendar clears or the business feels more stable.
Purpose becomes a word we use more than a way we live.
And I don’t think most of us do that intentionally.
I think we do it because life is loud. Work is demanding. Families need us. Businesses need us. Teams need answers. Somewhere along the way, purpose gets pushed into the category of “important, but later.”
When Purpose Becomes a Concept Instead of a Practice
This week’s Coffey Talk conversation with Erica Hakonson pulled that thread for me in a way that felt grounding, not heavy.
Not because she talked about purpose beautifully.
But because she lives it consistently.
Purpose, for Erica, is not something she turns on for work and turns off at home. It shows up everywhere. In how she built her company. In how she structured giving. In how she thinks about responsibility. In how she talks about opportunity.
That impacted me.
Purpose Cannot Live in Just One Area of Your Life
She didn’t wake up one day and decide to add purpose to her brand. She built her life and her work around it, piece by piece, long before there was a badge or a framework or a formal name for it.
And that matters.
Because purpose does not hold if it only lives in one area of your life.
If we believe in community but never show up for one.
If we value generosity but never make room for it.
If we talk about impact but never change our patterns.
Purpose is not a performance. It’s alignment.
What Living in Your Purpose Actually Looks Like
What I keep coming back to in my mind is how practical that alignment looked for her. Not dramatic. Not loud. Not symbolic.
Purpose showed up in decisions. In commitments. In choosing to use what she already had, right where she was, instead of waiting for some future version of herself or her business.
That idea keeps echoing for me.
Why We Keep Postponing Purpose
So many of us believe deeply in living with purpose. We just keep postponing it.
We tell ourselves it will come when the kids are older.
When the business is bigger.
When the schedule is lighter.
When the next season arrives.
But purpose does not need a perfect season. It needs a place.
Giving Purpose Room in the Life You’re Already Living
It needs space in our calendars.
It needs room in our decisions.
It needs to be reflected in how we treat people, how we spend time, and how we define success.
Listening to Erica reminded me that purpose doesn’t require reinvention. It requires intention.
You don’t have to change your lane to live it.
You don’t have to overhaul your life.
You don’t have to get it all right.
You just have to stop treating purpose like a someday concept and start letting it inform today’s choices.
A Conversation That Invites Reflection, Not Perfection
That is what this episode represents to me.
Not a lesson. Not a formula.
Just a real conversation with someone who decided that purpose was not optional, not at work, not at home, not anywhere.
If you’ve been feeling that quiet nudge to bring more alignment into your life and work, this conversation will meet you there.
🎧 You can listen to the full Coffey Talk episode with Erica Hakonson wherever you stream podcasts.
👉🏻Erica Hakonson on LinkedIN
2025 Microsoft Partner Global Benchmarking & Insights Report
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Who Are You Pouring Into?
Why mentorship and community are essential for teaching industry nuance and preparing the next generation of professionals.
Mentorship Is Where the Real Learning Happens
There is a lot that school prepares us for. It teaches theory. Structure. Language. How to think critically and how to show our work.
What it cannot teach is nuance.
It cannot teach how to read a room. How to sense when a customer is overwhelmed. How to slow down when someone is nodding along but clearly lost. It does not teach how industries actually operate once real people, real pressure, and real consequences enter the picture.
That part of learning only happens through mentorship.
Experience Is Not the Same as Exposure
One of the biggest gaps I see in professional development today is the difference between knowing something and seeing it in action.
You can study an industry. You can memorize terminology. You can pass certifications. But until you sit beside someone who has lived it, you are missing context.
Mentorship provides exposure. It allows someone earlier in their career to see how decisions are made, how trade-offs are weighed, and how complexity is handled without panic. That exposure builds judgment. Judgment builds confidence. Confidence builds trust.
And trust is everything in the work we do.
Industry Nuance Is Learned Person to Person
Every industry has its own rhythm. Manufacturing does not move like professional services. Distribution does not think like nonprofits. Associations do not operate like startups.
You do not learn those differences from documentation.
You learn them by listening to stories. By watching how a mentor asks questions. By observing what they pay attention to and what they ignore. By hearing why something worked in one environment and failed in another.
This is where mentorship becomes irreplaceable. It is how knowledge becomes wisdom instead of trivia.
Community Is the Classroom That Never Closes
One of the reasons I believe so deeply in community is because it creates space for mentorship to happen naturally.
Community removes the pressure of perfection. It allows people to ask questions without fear of looking unprepared. It creates opportunities for informal learning that feel safer and more sustainable than formal training alone.
When experienced professionals show up consistently in community spaces, they create a living curriculum. Not through lectures, but through presence.
This is something Steve Chinsky embodies so well. His willingness to answer questions, speak openly, and share what he has learned reinforces something I believe deeply. If you have been here long enough to know something, you are already in a position to teach.
Mentorship Is a Responsibility, Not a Role
Mentorship does not require a title. It does not require a formal program. It requires awareness.
It starts with looking around and noticing who is new. Who is quiet. Who is asking thoughtful questions but maybe lacks confidence. It is offering context instead of correction. Guidance instead of judgment.
At some point in every career, the question shifts from “How do I learn this?” to “Who am I helping learn this now?”
That shift matters. It is how ecosystems stay healthy. It is how industries avoid knowledge gaps. It is how people feel seen instead of replaced.
Teaching the Next Generation Is How We Protect the Work
If we want strong consultants, leaders, and professionals five or ten years from now, we cannot rely on systems alone to prepare them.
We need people.
People willing to explain the why behind the what. People willing to let someone sit in on a meeting. People willing to say, watch how this unfolds and then we will talk about it.
That is how real learning happens. That is how confidence is built. That is how careers are shaped.
Mentorship is not about legacy. It is about continuity.
And continuity is what allows communities, industries, and people to grow without losing what made them strong in the first place.
Episode 20: Becoming the Next Generation of Consultants~ Steve Chinsky
The Beauty of the Non-Banner Year
There are years that come with milestones. Promotions. Announcements. Moments you can point to and say, “That was the year.”
And then there are years that don’t.
The non-banner year doesn’t offer proof. It doesn’t wrap itself up neatly. It doesn’t give you a list of accomplishments to post at the end of December. What it gives you instead is something quieter. Endurance. Perspective. The ability to keep going even when nothing looks impressive from the outside.
Those years matter more than we give them credit for.
What a Non-Banner Year Really Is
A non-banner year is not a failure. It’s not a pause. It’s not lost time.
It’s a year where the work is happening internally. Where you’re learning how to stay steady instead of chasing momentum. Where growth doesn’t show up as progress other people can recognize, but as resilience you can feel.
These are the years where you don’t arrive. You become.
When the Win Is Simply Making It Through
In a recent Coffey Talk conversation with Shannon Mullins, we talked honestly about seasons like this. Years where success wasn’t defined by recognition or growth metrics, but by survival and steadiness.
She said it plainly:
“There were years where the win wasn’t growth or recognition. The win was simply making it through and realizing I could keep going.”
That’s the non-banner year.
Not the year you arrived. The year you stayed.
I know those seasons well. Years where the real wins were getting the kids where they needed to be, paying the bills, keeping the lights on, and waking up the next morning ready to try again. Years where comparison hit hardest because everyone else seemed to have a highlight reel and I didn’t.
Why Quiet Growth Still Counts
Growth doesn’t always announce itself. Sometimes it happens quietly, underneath the surface, while you’re just doing the work of living.
Shannon also said, “Success isn’t always loud. Sometimes it looks like a big mess.”
That’s the part we don’t talk about enough. The mess. The uncertainty. The seasons where progress feels slow or invisible. We tend to dismiss those years as unproductive when, in reality, they’re often the ones shaping our resilience, our clarity, and our confidence.
If 2025 didn’t come with a list of accomplishments, that doesn’t mean it didn’t matter.
Maybe this was the year you learned how to sit with uncertainty instead of fighting it. Maybe you stopped chasing validation. Maybe you stayed when quitting would have been easier. Maybe you learned what you don’t want next. Maybe you learned how to trust yourself.
Those are not small things.
Let the Quiet Year Matter
The non-banner year is often the foundation year. The one that prepares you for what’s coming, even if you can’t see it yet. It’s where trust gets built. Where grounding becomes a practice. Where becoming happens before arriving.
Growth like that doesn’t show up in a recap post. It shows up later in how you lead, how you decide, and how steady you are when things shift again.
If you’re in a quiet season right now, let it count. You don’t need to justify it. You don’t need to dress it up. You don’t need to rush through it.
Sometimes the win is simply realizing you can keep going.
You can listen to the full Coffey Talk conversation with Shannon Mullins here:
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The Work You Want Doesn’t Always Appear. Sometimes You Have to Ask for It.
Balancing ambition isn’t about choosing one desire at a time. It’s about showing up for both the professional and personal pieces of your life without apologizing for either. But if there’s one idea from this conversation with Leanne Paul that stayed with me, it’s this: don’t sit back and wait for someone to hand you an opportunity. Look for it. Ask for it. And don’t dismiss paths you never thought you’d walk.
The Way We Build Careers Is Changing
Part of what makes careers feel so unsettled right now is that the world of work is shifting fast. Roles evolve. Skills change. Job descriptions don’t always keep up with reality. The old idea that someone notices your hard work and neatly places the next step in front of you doesn’t hold the same weight it once did. The World Economic Forum has been clear about this. A large portion of the skills employers care about today won’t look the same by the end of this decade. Continuous learning and adaptability are becoming the baseline, not the bonus.
That reality changes how opportunity shows up. It also changes how we have to engage with it.
Waiting Quietly Leaves Too Much to Chance
Leanne talked about seeing opportunities and asking about them, even when she didn’t check every box or fit a traditional mold. She didn’t wait for permission or a perfect moment. She raised her hand, explained what she could bring, and started the conversation. That’s how she moved into roles that aligned with who she was becoming, not just who she had been.
Asking isn’t about confidence theater. It’s about agency. Research from MIT Sloan Management Review reinforces this in a way that feels both obvious and uncomfortable: many people don’t advance because they aren’t visible in the conversations where decisions are made. Not because they aren’t capable. Not because they didn’t earn it. But because they weren’t part of the dialogue. Advancement often follows proximity, participation, and clarity about what you want to work toward.
Being Seen Isn’t Accidental
This part hit me hard. There’s a difference between waiting to be seen and choosing to be involved. The first feels safer. The second requires intention. We wait for job postings. We wait for reviews. We wait for someone else to connect the dots. Meanwhile, the work keeps changing, and the conversations keep moving.
What if we asked sooner?
What if we stepped into rooms where we don’t yet have all the answers but do have curiosity, experience, and perspective?
Leanne was honest about the no’s. There were plenty of them. But there were also yeses. Enough to build a career that works for her. Enough to prove that opportunity doesn’t need to be handed to you to be real. Sometimes it starts with a question and the willingness to hear whatever comes back.
Learning From the Past Without Living There
Resilience does not show up when things go right. It shows up when plans fall apart and you are forced to decide what happens next.
This episode of Coffey Talk with David Fullwood reminded me that resilience is rarely loud. It’s not the dramatic comeback moment. It’s the quiet decision to keep going when the path forward isn’t clear yet.
What Resilience Really Looks Like
We tend to talk about resilience like it’s a personality trait. Something you either have or don’t. But resilience is a practice. It’s built in the moments where you show up even when it would be easier not to.
Sometimes resilience looks like starting over. Sometimes it looks like adjusting expectations. And sometimes it looks like accepting that the season you’re in is shaping you in ways you won’t fully understand until later.
Learning From the Past Without Staying There
The past holds information. It does not need to hold your future.
Every difficult season teaches something. It reveals what matters, what needs to change, and what you are capable of carrying forward. The problem comes when we stay loyal to the pain long after the lesson has been learned.
Learning from the past allows growth. Living in it keeps you stuck.
How Small Wins Rebuild Self-Trust
Resilience is built through action, not intention.
Small wins matter more than we give them credit for. Showing up when you said you would. Following through on something small. Doing the next right thing even when motivation is low.
Those moments rebuild trust in yourself. Over time, that trust becomes momentum.
Why Setbacks Often Lead to Realignment
Not everything that feels like a setback is a failure.
Some disruptions exist to move you closer to where you are meant to be. They redirect your attention, reshape priorities, and force you to re-evaluate what truly matters.
When you’re grounded in your purpose, setbacks stop feeling like dead ends and start looking more like course corrections.
Keeping Momentum When Clarity Comes Later
Clarity rarely comes before action. Most of the time, it shows up because you moved.
Momentum is created through consistency. Through staying present. Through choosing to believe that progress is happening even when you cannot see the full picture yet.
Nothing you go through is wasted. Every good thing and every difficult season leaves something behind. The goal isn’t to carry the weight of the past. It’s to carry the lesson forward.
Final Reflection
Resilience doesn’t mean pretending things didn’t hurt. It means honoring what shaped you without letting it define you.
Learn from the past. Then keep going.
You Don’t Need the Map to Begin
A reflection on building businesses without a roadmap, inspired by stories from Anya Ciecierski, Molly Fuchsel, and Liz Hallen.
I published Anya Ciecierski’s Coffey Talk episode back in September. At the time, it felt grounding. Wise. Steady.
Then I sat down with Molly Fuchsel and Liz Hallen.
Their conversation stayed with me in a different way. Not louder. Not flashier. Just deeply human. Two women who didn’t wait for permission. Who didn’t have a roadmap. Who looked at each other and said, “If this doesn’t exist, maybe we build it.”
And suddenly, Anya’s story came rushing back into focus.
Building a Business Without a Roadmap
Anya calls herself an “accidental entrepreneur.” She never set out to start a business. She followed curiosity. She asked questions. She invited people in. What began as a side idea turned into something real because she kept acting on what was in front of her.
Molly and Liz didn’t start accidentally. They started intentionally. But they started the same way. Without guarantees. Without certainty. With trust in each other and in the power of community.
What connects all three of these women isn’t just entrepreneurship. It’s how they build.
Why Community Matters More Than Certainty
Anya talked about an early mentor who asked everyone for ideas. Every voice mattered. Titles didn’t. That experience shaped her entire leadership style. It’s why collaboration sits at the center of everything she creates. Why competition never felt like the right model. Why her instinct is always to widen the circle.
Collaboration Over Competition in Entrepreneurship
Molly and Liz live that same instinct out loud. They didn’t leave stable roles because they were bored. They left because they saw a gap. Partners in the Microsoft Dynamics ecosystem needed a place to talk to each other. To learn from each other. To be honest about what worked and what didn’t. And instead of waiting for someone else to fix it, they stepped forward together.
One of my favorite moments from their episode was how clearly they named the tension so many people feel. Stability versus possibility. Safety versus something more. That quiet, persistent nudge that says, “There’s something here,” even when you don’t yet know what it is.
Acting Before You Feel Ready
All three stories point to the same truth.
You don’t need to feel ready.
You don’t need the perfect plan.
You don’t need permission.
You need people.
You need curiosity.
You need the courage to take the first step.
Community doesn’t get built by accident. It’s built by people willing to go first. People willing to ask, “How can I make this easier for someone else?” People willing to share instead of gatekeep. People willing to act while still figuring it out.
Revisiting these episodes together reminded me that bravery isn’t always loud. Sometimes it looks like a side project. A conversation. A partnership. A leap taken with no map and a lot of trust.
And sometimes, that’s exactly how the most meaningful things begin.
The stories people share with me stay with me. They shape how I see the world, how I make decisions, and how I think about what’s possible. Conversations like these don’t end when the recording stops. They linger. They influence how I lead, how I show up for others, and how I encourage people standing at the edge of something new. That’s why I created Coffey Talk. Not as a podcast for sound bites, but as a vehicle for stories. A place to share lived experience, surface courage, and help people find connections they didn’t know they needed yet.
When Something Tugs at You, Pay Attention
A reflection on the courage to start before you feel ready inspired by PartnerIn founders Molly and Liz, and the way community grows when someone chooses to build first.
Sometimes the idea won’t leave you alone.
It pulls at you in quiet ways first…a thought in the shower, a sticky note on your desk, a sentence you keep rewriting in your head. You try to ignore it because life feels comfortable enough, but the tug stays.
Talking with Molly and Liz reminded me that tug is never random. They didn’t wait for approval. They built something the ecosystem needed and trusted themselves enough to try.
It made me think about how many times we convince ourselves to stay put. We tell ourselves someone else will do it, or the timing isn’t right, or that we need a better plan first. But almost every big thing I’ve watched grow started with someone saying “I don’t have the map, but let’s go anyway.”
If something keeps nudging you, listen to it. Start with one step. It will teach you the rest.
Balancing Your Ambitions
A real conversation between Kate Coffey-Bacon and Brittany Burke about building balance while growing a career, a personal brand, and a family, proving that ambition in life and leadership at work can coexist without one being sidelined.
Balancing your life is about claiming the space to want both a bigger professional life and a richer personal one, without apologizing for either. Your ambition at work doesn’t have to dim when life gets louder, and your personal goals don’t need to wait in a side room while your career talks. We shouldn’t need to ask permission to lead, learn, reinvent, build platforms, raise families, book flights, or chase the long-shot ideas we care about. Both ambitions deserve room, and you don’t owe anyone a quieter version of wanting more out of your life.
Professional ambition can look like becoming the person people trust in your industry, saying yes to roles that stretch you, learning out loud, climbing ladders, and staying at the front of innovation. That is about more than titles. It’s about shaping conversations, showing up curious every damn week, and working on the things that help other people do their jobs better.
Personal ambition can look like building a family, buying a home, traveling farther than your zip code, trying a skill you’ve never tried, or doing the thing you always said you would when time felt slower. It might mean signing a mortgage, booking a trip, having a baby, or taking a leap toward something new without needing anyone else to explain the next step.
The tension begins between the 2 when you feel like one should speak quieter while the other speaks louder. The real lesson is learning they can exist in the same life, the same rooms, the same seasons, and sometimes even the same day.
This episode of Coffey Talk showcased someone who lives that truth in real time. Brittany Burke grew her career from an unexpected start in Accounts Receivable into MVP rooms, self-teaching technical language and translating it into solutions that worked for real humans behind real desks. She told the story of pushing her baby stroller across the expo floor at Community Summit while her kid pointed proudly at her name on the MVP wall. Her story reminded me that balance isn’t about halves, it’s about wholeness.
What struck me most wasn’t just what she built in her career, but how she built it: by asking the questions most of us are scared to ask, by bridging business and tech without ego, by leaning on community instead of faking polish, and by modeling success for her children in a way that felt normal, messy, and deeply real.
She talks about empowerment like it’s a ripple that doesn’t require approval, and she shows her kids that success doesn’t belong only in the office or only at home. Success lives in both when you don’t shrink one side of yourself to make the other fit into someone else’s expectations. 👏🏻
The real proof? She doesn’t split her ambitions. She invests in both. She shows them to her kids not to impress them, but to show them that building a big career doesn’t mean you build a small life.
Something to Sip On:
What would change if you let both sides of your ambition speak at volume this year?
Living Like Time Actually Matters
A grounded reflection on time, attention, presence, and the “when I finally” mindset. Inspired by “4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals” by Oliver Burkeman,” this Coffey Talk episode invites you to take inventory of your time and choose what matters most.
I’ve been thinking a lot about time. Not in the color-coded calendar way, but in the quiet moments where you feel your life moving and recognize you’re not getting any of it back.
Brad Prendergast and I talked about this in the latest episode, and it brought up something I’ve been sitting with for a while.
Most of my life, I lived in the “when I finally” mindset.
When I finally get through this season.
When work slows down.
When I catch up.
Then I’ll rest. Then I’ll enjoy. Then life can begin.
But “finally” never shows up. Something else always fills the space. There is always another deadline, another goal, another thing to get done before we can breathe.
4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals” by Oliver Burkeman “Whatever compelled your attention from moment to moment is simply what your life will have been.”
That line hit hard. It’s an audit moment to check in and ask, “Is this really what I want my life to add up to?” “Is this where I want my time to go?”
I don’t want the story of my days to be a blur of rushing and scrolling. I want to remember the people I showed up for. The conversations that moved me. The moments that actually felt like a life.
Reading that line made me pay attention differently. It made me put my phone down more. It made me take stock of who I’m giving my minutes to. If attention is the currency, I want to spend it well.
There’s another question this conversation surfaced. “When is it enough, and what is enough?”
Enough looks different for everyone, but for me, it’s pretty simple.
Enough is time with my people.
Enough is work that lets me contribute and still live.
Enough is curiosity, learning, and the chance to create memories that feel like mine.
And if those things don’t show up in how I’m spending my time, something’s off.
This episode isn’t about guilt or perfection. It’s about awareness.
It’s about noticing what you’ve been giving your life to.
It’s about taking inventory and asking yourself if your time lines up with what you say matters.
The Messy Middle of Leadership: Finding steadiness in the moments no one claps for.
There’s a part of leadership no one really talks about. It’s the messy middle OR the space where you’re rebuilding something tired, fragile, or overlooked. It’s not glamorous, but it’s where the real foundation gets rebuilt.
There’s a part of leadership people don’t talk about enough.
It’s the part where you’re leading in the middle of something that already feels bruised. A tired team. A system that stopped working a long time ago. A space where momentum is low, trust is shaky, and the work ahead feels heavier than the title makes it look.
That middle place doesn’t get celebrated.
There’s no applause.
Most days, there’s not even clarity.
My conversation with Stephanie Clark brought all of that into focus. She talked about walking into broken teams with hope, only to be met with resistance. She talked about being labeled “loud” and “bossy,” even though she was the one holding things together. She talked about how lonely leadership feels before the results show up.
But the thing she kept coming back to was simple.
Listen first.
That’s where real leadership starts. Not with the big speeches. Not with the quick fixes. Not with the “I’ve got all the answers” posture that never holds up anyway.
Listening builds trust.
Listening softens tension.
Listening opens the door for people to meet you halfway.
Anyone who has ever rebuilt something knows this. Whether you lead a team, a project, a household, a community, or even yourself — the messy middle asks you to stay steady when everything in you wants to sprint to the finish.
And here’s the truth Stephanie reminded me of:
People need people. Full stop.
Support is not a luxury.
Encouragement is not optional.
We all need someone in our corner when things feel heavy. Someone who says “I see what you’re carrying” without needing a long explanation. Someone who notices your effort before the outcomes show up. Someone who reminds you that you’re not crazy for caring as much as you do.
The messy middle isn’t glamorous, but it’s where the real foundation gets rebuilt. And when it finally works, people forget how loud or quiet you were. They remember how steady you stayed.
The Space Between Listening and Understanding
We spend a lot of time talking about diversity, yet the heart of it often gets lost. At the center of every conversation about inclusion is one simple truth. People want to be heard. Not corrected. Not reshaped. Heard.
My conversation with Bobby Small brought that into focus in a steady, grounded way. He talked about the moments that opened his eyes to bias in the workplace. I shared stories from my own life that shaped the way I see people. Both of us came back to the same idea. Listening is not a tool for persuasion. It is a tool for understanding.
When we listen only to respond, we miss the human being in front of us. When we listen to win, we lose trust. But when we listen to understand, even if our views do not change, we build a bridge long enough for someone else to stand on.
Curiosity helps us get there. Not curiosity that pokes and prods, but the kind that says, “I want to know you. Not the version of you I assumed.”
Every one of us shares more in common than we think. We are shaped by our families, our neighborhoods, our mentors, our teachers, our coworkers, our heartbreaks, and every moment that cracked us open. When we talk about diversity, we are talking about the stories behind those moments.
The real work begins in the quiet space between listening and understanding. That is where respect grows. That is where people feel safe enough to share the parts of themselves they usually keep tucked away. And that space is something we can all learn to hold a little better.
If you want to show up differently, start here. Listen to understand. Get curious about someone else’s world. Look for the places where your experiences overlap. That is where connection happens. And that is where community becomes real.
Changing the Conversation About Wellness and Womanhood
woman holding a warm cup of coffee
When I started Coffey Talk, I wanted to create a space for stories that remind us we’re not alone. Not the polished, perfect stories but the ones that live in the quiet spaces of real life. The ones that make us nod and say, “Same.”
Talking with Melissa Maikos reminded me how powerful those conversations can be. She’s built her life around movement...as a former college athlete, a sports broadcaster, and now a fitness instructor. But what I love most about her story isn’t her strength; it’s her honesty. She’s using her voice to normalize conversations about body image, aging, and perimenopause — topics our mothers and grandmothers rarely said out loud.
Growing up, so many of these experiences were treated as off-limits. You didn’t talk about menopause. You didn’t admit to struggling with body image. You didn’t say you were exhausted or anxious or feeling “off.” You just pushed through.
But here’s the thing - silence doesn’t build strength. Connection does.
When we share the messy middle, we give other women permission to breathe. To see themselves in our stories. To know that what they’re feeling isn’t strange or shameful. It’s human.
That’s what Melissa is doing with her growing community of women navigating midlife. She’s taking humor and honesty, 2 things that shouldn’t have to compete, and turning them into a movement. She’s saying, “Let’s talk about it.” Let’s talk about hot flashes, mood swings, and the brain fog that makes you forget why you walked into a room. Let’s talk about how strength training at 49 feels different than it did at 29, but no less powerful.
We can laugh about it. We can cry about it. But we don’t have to hide it.
Changing the narrative doesn’t mean shouting louder. It means speaking truth with kindness. It’s inviting others into the conversation instead of pretending we’ve got it all figured out. It’s realizing that community is the cure for feeling isolated in our own lives.
That’s the story I want to keep telling not just through Coffey Talk, but in every space where women gather. Because when we start talking about what once felt off-limits, we stop feeling like we’re the only ones going through it.
So here’s to the conversations that start with honesty and end with hope.
Your Voice, Your Vote: Why Participation Matters
When we talk about civic engagement, it’s easy to think of voting as a one-day event. But as Jessica Kraisinger reminds us in this episode of Coffey Talk, democracy is a daily practice. It’s the small acts like checking your registration, researching local candidates, and talking with neighbors that create a lasting impact.
In Coffey Talk | Episode 10, Jessica Kraisinger shares her journey into voter advocacy and the reminder that one person’s action can create ripple effects across a community. Her perspective reframes voting from an obligation to an opportunity — a chance to hire the right people for your community.
She walks us through common myths about voting, the importance of local elections, and the power of simply making a plan. But perhaps the most powerful moment comes when she encourages us to celebrate the act of voting.
As she says, “There’s probably nothing else you’ll do that day that will be that impactful. Treat yourself a little bit because it’s an amazing thing you did.”
Voting isn’t just a duty; it’s a joyful act of empowerment.
So check your registration, make your plan, and show up. Democracy needs all of us ~ and it starts with you.
She Builds: How Women in Tech Are Shaping a New Kind of Community
It started with a question I couldn’t shake.
What would happen if women in our community had a space to tell their stories?
I’ve spent years listening to women across the Dynamics ecosystem talk about the paths they’ve taken, the pivots they’ve made, and the moments that changed everything. Over coffee, in hallways, and after sessions, I kept hearing stories that sounded different but felt the same. Stories of building careers, building confidence, and building each other up.
That’s where She Builds was born.
I wanted to create a space where women could share their stories in a raw and inspiring way. Not just to be heard, but to be seen — so that others could see themselves in those stories too. Because when we do, something shifts. We start to recognize the threads that connect us. We find camaraderie in shared challenges, collaboration in shared dreams, and community in the stories that remind us we’re not alone.
When Pam Misialek, VP of Community at Dynamic Communities, invited me to serve on the Women in Tech Committee for this year’s luncheon, everything clicked. She Builds became the title and the heartbeat of the event. Together with Pam and the DCI team, we shaped it into a celebration of women who are building their paths forward, not just reflecting on where they’ve been.
What I love most is that She Builds isn’t about one person’s success story. It’s about the collective. It’s about the woman who’s finding her voice, the one mentoring someone new, and the one still figuring out where she wants to go next. Every story matters, and every connection builds something lasting.
She Builds isn’t a moment. It’s a movement.
It’s about seeing ourselves in each other’s journeys and realizing that we are all, in our own way, building something meaningful.
“When women share their stories—successes, struggles, pivots, and all—it gives others permission to see what’s possible.” — Cam Sessinger
☕️ Reinventing Yourself: Becoming Who You Were Always Meant to Be
Reinvention isn’t about losing who you were. It’s about remembering who you’ve always been.
When Marie Wiese joined me on Coffey Talk, she reminded me that every chapter of our lives prepares us for the next one. Growth doesn’t come from comfort. It comes from curiosity—the kind that whispers, “What if there’s more for me?”
Sometimes the most courageous thing you can do is release who you’ve been.
We spend years collecting versions of ourselves — the roles we’ve played, the titles we’ve earned, the expectations we’ve carried. Somewhere along the way, we start to believe that changing means losing something. But it doesn’t.
When I sat down with Marie Wiese, she reminded me that reinvention isn’t about erasing your past. It’s about honoring it, learning from it, and daring to build something new on top of it. It’s realizing that your past isn’t a weight — it’s a foundation.
Marie’s story is one of resilience and renewal. After more than three decades in tech, she found herself at a crossroads — navigating personal loss, shifting industry dynamics, and the quiet realization that she was ready to begin again. What struck me most wasn’t just her decision to start over, but the clarity she gained along the way. She said something that has echoed in my mind ever since:
“You have to give up who you were to become who you’re meant to be.”
That sentence alone could be the headline for every reinvention story.
Marie shared three takeaways that shaped her journey, and they’ve been sitting with me ever since.
Let Go of the Past
Marie’s first truth is one I think many of us struggle with. Letting go of the past doesn’t mean you’re dismissing it. It means you’re releasing its grip on your future.
We hold onto old titles, old stories, old proof that we were once capable. But growth asks for space. It requires a clean table to set something new. I’ve learned that sometimes the hardest part of moving forward isn’t fear of the unknown - it’s the comfort of what’s familiar.
Reinvention begins the moment you stop comparing your next chapter to the last one.
Seek New Voices
Her second lesson felt like a quiet challenge: ask advice from new people.
It’s so easy to stay surrounded by people who think like we do, who validate the same ideas, and who make us feel safe. But as Marie said, “Growth requires new voices.”
That line made me pause. Because the truth is, you can’t change your perspective if you only ever look through the same window. The people who stretch you - the ones who challenge your thinking - are often the ones who help you see what’s possible next.
Every new conversation carries a piece of your evolution.
Start New Conversations
Marie’s third takeaway is simple but powerful: start new conversations and meet new people.
For her, this wasn’t about networking or chasing opportunities. It was about connection. Listening. Letting curiosity lead.
I think that’s what reinvention really is. It’s not a grand pivot, but a series of small, brave moments where you choose to show up differently. Every conversation is a door, and every connection has the potential to change your direction.
When Women Hit Their Stride
One of the most beautiful parts of our conversation was about timing. The truth that many women often come into themselves later in life.
Marie talked about the demands that shape our early decades, caregiving, family, stability, the invisible labor of holding it all together. And she’s right. For many women, the space to explore, create, and redefine ourselves doesn’t fully open until the noise quiets.
That hit home for me. Because it’s a reminder that purpose doesn’t expire. Sometimes we need a few more seasons to grow into our power. Sometimes we need life to slow down before we can truly hear our own voice.
And when that moment comes….when we finally have the clarity, confidence, and courage to begin again, we realize we’re not starting over. We’re finally starting as who we really are.
“Reinvention isn’t the end of your story. It’s the next brave chapter.” -Marie Wiese